butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
