As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
