I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She announced her abortion via fbk
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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