I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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