He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
