I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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