so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
