Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
