Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
