Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
