i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
