i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
