omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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