We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
