I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
