piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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