fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
