I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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