My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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