Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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