Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
