This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
