Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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