I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
