I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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