He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
