I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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