Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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