I'm drive I can fine osifer
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
