Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
