By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
