Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
