sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
