we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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