The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
