My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
