So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
