You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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