Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
