You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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