my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
