some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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