I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
