he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
