I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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