Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
