he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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