After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
