So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
is wine microwaveable?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
