i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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