It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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