we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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