It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
