since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
