I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
