it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
